13/11/2017 0 Comments
When Lightning Strikes Your Rainbow
I cannot begin to express how devastated I feel. As hard as I have tried – as much as I have done – as much as I have prayed and asked the Universe for guidance and healing -- I cannot get my knee better in time for The New York City Marathon.
The terrifying moment came Sunday when I went out for my long run, and I barely made it two miles before I had to turn around and begin the long walk of pain back to my home. Not able to run and barely able to walk and crying the whole way knowing that there was not any way that I could even think about running much less complete the 26.2 miles of The New York City Marathon.
In spite of my orthopedist’s advice to forget about running in The New York City Marathon on Sunday, November 5th, I truly believed that I would overcome the pain and continue to train, and I would be in New York on November 5th to compete with the best of them. “Failure is not an option” was my mantra, and I was going to do this!
Well, here I am and “Failure is not an option,” but for me, at this point, “Failure to learn from this and failure to listen to my body are not options for me.”
It hurts to look back on how hard I have trained and psyched myself up for this to be left watching the race on television, and not be one who is running in the race. I had visualized the finish line so many times. I ran my long runs on the streets of New York City over and over and over in my head. Running in The New York City Marathon has been at the top of my Bucket List for many years. And, now I keep asking myself -- Why did this happen to me? Why was my dream ripped away from me? I worked so hard, trained so hard, and focused so intently on this, and now the rug was pulled out from under me, and I landed hard without a cushion.
I know I am supposed to learn profound lessons from this experience. And, I know that this cannot defeat me. But, reality is -- it hurts so much. The pain in my knee pales in comparison to the pain in my heart. However, time passes quickly, and my knee will heal slowly. I know I have to move on, and I have to refocus and learn from this disappointment. I believe my gain will eventually be far greater than my loss.
The Universe sends us signs and directions, and it is difficult for me to surrender to letting go. I second guess my training routine and whether I did enough to salvage this situation in preparation to run the race. But, I realized that everything is about running the race -- running the race of life. And, life itself is the ultimate marathon, and mudder, and Spartan race all wrapped into one magical, mystical, enlightening, transformative race.
But, the pity party is a wayside along the race course -- Am I a failure? Am I not tough enough? Am I weak? Did I give up? Should I have made an appointment with one more doctor, one more specialist, one more trainer, one more masseuse? Am I just not tough enough? Did I give up too easily? Could I try just one more thing? Couldn’t my right knee heal itself overnight? Maybe in two days I will feel better and I will be able to make it to the finish line -- it won’t be fancy or pretty, but I could at least make it to the end, right? At this moment, my right knee is telling me, “No! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Suck it up, buttercup!”
I know my connection to the Universe is just too strong for me to have worked so hard, trained so hard, endured so much, manifested so much in my life to have gotten me to this point to have it all end up a meaningless swirl of empty hopes and fanciful, foolhardy fantasy. I know there is a reason that his has happened in my life at this point in my life, but I may never be able to articulate the reason in plain, straightforward words that sum it up with perfect clarity and that answers all of the pain-filled questions I have.
There is a reason that it may or may not ever be revealed to me. I am able to manifest so much in my life when I live with intention, and when I am focused on taking #onestepmore to #whatsnext. I must continue to live a purpose-driven and an intention-filled life.
The only answer the Universe provides when I ask, “Why?, “ is “Not now. The timing isn’t right.” And, I was immediately reminded of “The Law of No Attachment” -
“The more attached you are to an outcome, the more painful reality becomes.”
I was so attached to the outcome of my training, my hard work, and my efforts, and I realize that the outcome now is very different than the one I imagined and to which I had become attached. The only outcome that matters is the one right now. I may not be able to run right now, but i do have to take #onestepmore to #whatsnext.
When lightning strikes your rainbow, don’t stop seeking your pot of gold.
As always, I hope you will share your story of “Seeking your pot of gold” after “lightening struck your rainbow.” How did you take #onestepmore when you thought your world had stopped spinning? How did you discover #whatsnext while the loss of your dream was so raw? Share your story.